Overcoming guilt day twelve

Have you ever noticed that people are often quicker to judge people that commit the same sins that they themselves have made? The old saying goes like this, "We see the faults in others more plainly when we have those same faults in ourselves." A person that is quick to judge others is certainly carrying loads of guilt. When we are having trouble forgiving ourselves of a certain sin, we will find it particularly hard to forgive others when they commit the same sin.

One of the reasons we can't move past our guilt no matter how many times we pray and ask for forgiveness is because we are still judging others that have committed the same sins. If we will move past thinking about ourselves and focus our time and energy on removing judgementalism from our hearts we will find that we move past our feeling of guilt. At the same point that we judge someone else, we find that our own soul judges our self without us being aware that we are doing it in our subconscious. How judgemental are you of other people. Answer these questions to find out.

1. do you point out others people faults
2. do you think about other people's actions and think about how pitiful they are.
3. do you prowl and nose around in the affairs of others?
4. do you sit with someone else and discuss the issues of failure in someone else's life that isn't in the room with you?
5. do you pray to God 'about' someone else, sort of like a tattle tale?
6. do you often compare yourselves to others?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions you are a judgemental person. I know that someone is thinking, "I do some of those things, but, I'm not judging anyone." Even if we don't realize it, we are being judgemental.

Think about this, suppose you were getting a divorce. Would you want a room of people

1. Pointing out your faults, yet not judging you of course.
2. Thinking about your divorce and discussing how you may have been the one at fault but of course not judging you in the process?
3. Prowling into your business...visiting you or phoning you just so they can get the scoop but never thinking about judging you?
4. Praying to God about your divorce reminding Him of your faults saying, "Lord pay them back for what they have done." Yet not judging you at all.
5. Comparing themselves to you thinking they are better because they haven't been divorced. But never judging you.

Most of us would not want people to be that way towards our unfortunate events and failures in life, yet, we don't think it is all that bad when we do those things towards others. We tend to do those things towards others and justify it by saying, "Oh I wasn't judging them." Somehow we think that makes it OK to do it.

In truth we are judging others when we do those things even if we don't realize it. That brings us to the place that when we ourselves make mistakes we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. If you truly want to move past inner guilt that has held you hostage to depression or fear and feelings of insecurity your focus has to be taken off forgiving yourself and onto forgiving others. When you have truly repented of judging others, you will find that a great portion of the guilt you are carrying is released and no longer taunting you. For Jesus declared, Judge not that ye be not judge for with the same measure that you judge another so will you be judge. Yes, Jesus is in fact saying that if we judge someone, we will be held to the same standard. Make things easier on yourself. Don't talk about the faults of others, and complain about them in prayer. The kind of prayer that 'points to the sin of your brother' Why do some people think this is a Holy prayer. "Oh God, you see what that brother in the church is doing, you know that we don't need that in our church, clean him up or move him out." Wow, what a self righteous prayer! Jesus said when the hypocrite prays it goes something like this, " Lord, I thank you that I'm not poor and destitute like that old sinner over there, I thank you that I give to the poor and I do all the work of God around here..." But a sinner, who wouldn't even look up to heaven fell at the altar and cried, "Lord have mercy on me a sinner." Jesus said, that the sinner walked away righteous, not the hypocrite. Jesus gave us an example of two people praying. The one He called a hypocrite pointed out the failings of his neighbor who was praying as well. The one that Jesus called righteous wasn't thinking about his own goodness, but was crying out to Jesus for mercy.

Sometimes we are carrying guilt because we have failed to really forgive others. If we hear about what others did and we have to say things like, "I can't believe they did that, well, I tell you what I would have done..." we have just judged the other person. Some people will never let go of the judgemental spirit that they have, but for those who can, you can find the freedom of release.

Overcoming guilt day eleven

The parable that Jesus told of a farmer that went out to sew his seed explains three reasons in why we fail. When we fail it is likely that we will feel some measure of guilt. If there is something in life that we want that we don't receive we have to manage that failure somehow. If our heart is soft and pliable like the good heart that was able to receive the seed in the parable we will prosper in all that we do.

The worse problem with failure, is the failures of others impact us in a great way too. It is bad enough that we have to deal with our own failures, but when our kids fail it can be both sad and scary. It is amazing how much our lives are impacted by those around us. Sometimes when our kids are failing we like to give them a push in the right direction to help get them grounded in the right direction. When you study the parable of the farmer that went out to sew the seed Jesus identifies four kinds of hearts within mankind. The hard/unyielding heart (the seed that fell on the path) The stony/wishful heart (the seed that feel on the rocks) The thorny/worried heart (the seed that feel among the thorns) and the good heart.

The thing about the heart is that it has compartments in it. On some issues our heart may be hard hard hard. On other issues our heart might be stony. While on other issues we may be thorny or hurting, and still on other issues we may have a good heart. When you approach a loved one about their drinking problem, they may be hardened to the issue, and rudely tell you to bug off. That may leave you thinking, wow, they sure are mean. But, later when you ask them to wash the car, they smile and get to work on it right away, and you think, maybe they aren't all that bad. With each issue you should identify the condition of the heart of the person you are dealing with on that particular issue. You should approach someone with a hard heart, different than you would approach someone with a thorny or heavy hurting heart.

Here are the key words. The hard hearted person's key word is listen. The stony hearted person's key word is training. The thorny hearted person's key word is discipline and the good hearted person's key word is doing.

Once a hard hearted person really listens you have half the job done. Most of the time the reason they just walk away and insist they don't want to hear it is that once you get past the hard exterior there is a soft heart inside. Caution is recommended because the harder you push, the harder they make their exterior shell and the tougher it is to reach them. When a farmer breaks up the hard ground he doesn't use a blunt instrument. That just makes the ground harder. Wouldn't we laugh at a farmer using a blunt instrument in trying to break up his field. The more the farmer would pound the harder the ground would get. If the farmer said to us, "I come out here everyday with my blunt instrument and I hit this ground. So far it is just getting harder. I figure if I just stay at it, one day the ground will break." We would likely tell the farmer he needs to find a new line of work, he is just making it worse. The same thing is true when you are talking to someone that is hard hearted, and rejecting everything you say on a particular issue. When we are blunt, up in the face, and not even enjoying another's company because we just want to bring up the issues all the time, we are just making it worse. The words you speak is NOT the key in this situation. The key is getting the other person to LISTEN. Try not to think so much about what you want to say. Think more about compelling ways to get the other person to listen. Once they let down their shield, a single WORD spoken at that time could actually help them. The point is that you could say thousands of words and if they all bounce off you are getting no where, but one word that gets through the outer hard exterior could possibly change their life. Don't think that you can buy them something or do them a favor and in exchange they will be willing to let you talk for 20 minutes highlighting all the main points you have been wanting them the hear. Don't think you can hold them hostage by telling them you will do them a favor if they will just listen to you rant for 20 or 30 minutes. You may get your say, but it will just bounce right off of them. Try to stop thinking about what needs to be said, and think more about how to approach them to really get them to listen. We can feel guilty and feel as if we didn't do a good job parenting and now we need to make up for it somehow. Try not to be motivated by you your fear or guilt. Step back from the situation and try to find a way to really get them to listen. They may never listen to you until after their hardened heart is broken, but, they may listen to someone else.

The key word for the stony hearted person in learning. The stony hearted person will listen to you. They will tell you that what you are saying is right and that they plan to do better. Some of them really mean it when they say those things but the training they have received in life hinders them. We all train our kids the way we know they ought to live. Now, if we could just keep them from any other influences we would have it made. In the parable, Jesus said the stony hearted person receive the seed with joy, but the heart is stony and the roots cannot grow down deep. When this person runs into problems they falter in their commitments that they made to change. How do we pick up attitudes, beliefs, habits, and thought processes? We pick up these things from the people we associate with in life. If you are around someone long enough you will begin picking up their way of living. That is why people will often say, "Be careful who your kids are hanging out with"

How many times have you seen someone do fine in getting rid of their bad habits until they get around someone who is encouraging them to become involved in bad behavior. You would think if they had agreed to do better and wanted to do better that they would make wise choices. Wrong. The people they have been hanging around has programmed them with certain ideas and life attitudes and these have to be tossed out, like getting stones out of your field. The way that a bank teaches it's tellers to know real money is by having them handle real money. They don't let them handle a fake dollar. Once they learn what the real deal feels like they can tell by touch when the fake is in their hand, because it doesn't feel right. Harping and harping on what is wrong behavior and wrong choices is not going to help them get rooted in the right behavior. Yet, that is what we do most of the time. We give yet another lecture to them on wrong behavior. What they need is someone who will daily take the time to walk with them showing them and teaching them the right things. They need someone that will help them break through the stony places and get roots of right living ingrained in their hearts. It is NOT enough to just refrain from doing evil. They must be taught the principles of right living and how to incorporate that into their current life situation. That will require someone being there for them and helping them through it. Alcoholics Anonymous is one program that helps people get themselves retrained to right living. There are many programs that do this. Taking a few months to retrain your thinking and living patterns in a program designed to help you is an excellent idea. If you have a loved one that keeps promising to do better and at times does better but eventually fails, don't give in to guilt and fear over the situation. Realize that they probably meant is when they said they wanted to do better. Encourage them to find a training program, or take time yourself to help them learn a better way of living. The best idea is to get them out of the areas they have been frequenting and get them into a program that can teach them to live day by day.

The key word for the thorny hearted person is discipline. The thorny hearted person is really hurting and that may make them the most dangerous of all the types of heart. They try to do what is right but somehow the worries and cares of everyday living just weighs them down. Have you ever walked in the woods and had a thorn bush cling to you. That is what a thorny hearted person does, they cling to you. The pressures they are facing in life are so painful they are pouring their heart out to anyone that will listen. If you ever fall victim to the terrible pleas of a thorny hearted person they will use you like a pin cushion. Often people will begin trying to avoid the thorny hearted person. I mean who wants to listen to another person's pain all the time. Yet, this person is crying out, and those cries should not be ignored. When we begin to ignore the thorny hearted person they get the idea that no one really cares about the pain, so they just begin to hold it all inside. Believe it or not, the thorny hearted person is the one who is most likely to just get a gun and blow everyone away! Eventually the pain begins to fester and bitterness blooms in the heart. They can seem like the average American one minute, working a regular job, taking care of business like everyone else and then SNAP, they get a gun and blow everyone away. The thorny hearted person will listen, they will continue to build a good life and do what is right, but all the while they are hurting inside. They are overcome by the worries and cares of daily living. Don't assume that your loved one is OK if they are holding down a job, leading what looks like a normal life if you know that they are really unsatisfied or hurting inside. The reason the thorny hearted person is the most likely to go wacko is because they never find a way to let the steam off. What the thorny hearted person seldom realizes is that discipline is the key to release for them. They have plenty of discipline when it comes to working 9-5 and holding their responsibilities. They have little discipline when it comes to managing the inner man. They indulge in fear, worry, and obsessions. They may have control of the outer man but have not learned how to control the inner man yet. Managing the mind, the emotions and the imagination is just as important as managing our will. It isn't enough to do our responsibilities in life, we have to learn to deal with the stress and the broken dreams that can come along as part of the baggage. The things that are causing the stress and unhappiness is not the real problem. The real problem is the thorny hearted person hasn't learned how to manage the stress and the problems in such a way that they can find peace and happiness. The problem is that you can buy the thorny hearted person dozens of self help books and they are likely to be too busy to take time to read them. The thorns in the heart will have to be weeded out through non-use. In other words they will have to acquire the necessary discipline to manage their fears, insecurities and the other things that entrap them. That is why there is so much teaching on stress management techniques that are intended to release some of those inner stress and pains. The bible tells us how to cast off worries. It says in Philippians to be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. The thorny hearted person needs to discipline themselves to prayer, and not just any kind of prayer. It requires prayer that is made with a thankful heart. Often though, the thorny hearted person will say, "I know I need to pray more, I just don't have time, or when I start to pray some other responsibility comes up. " Outward success is not worth ignoring the condition of the inner man. When it comes to helping your loved ones that have a thorny weighed down heart, think of ways that you can help them manage their time so that they can tend to the inner man.

Guilt can come in many forms. When our loves ones fail it can lead us into such intense guilt that we feel it our responsibility to fix the problem. Don't let your guilt and fear lead you into approaching your loved one in the wrong way thereby making the problem worse. Discern what type of heart your loved one has and find a way to approach them that will help them fix the issues themselves.

Overcoming Guilt day 10

The Bible talks about a sower that went out to sow his seed. The seed is God's word and the field is the heart of the hearer. Our hearts are like plantations, and the words that we hear are the seeds. The Bible says that there are also different kinds of hearts in mankind. There is the trodden down heart (hard and stubborn), the stony heart (shallow and immature), the thorny heart (heavy weighted by the cares of life), and the good heart ( soft and tender that is able to receive the seed (the word) of God. When we feel like we have failed with our children we sometimes will try to fix it later on in life when they are adults. Sometimes our methods only make matters worse. We will talk more about all four kind of hearts that Jesus identified, but for now we will talk about the thorny hearted person, or the heart that is hurting.

In the parable Jesus said that the thorns represented the worries and cares of life. The thorny hearted person in general is a person who has good intentions and tries as much as they are able to carry out those good intentions. The only problem is something always gets in the way. Surely the worries of life and the cares of this world are reason enough to fail to produce the fruit of God, isn't it? We look at worry as something everyone does. We look at worry as if everyone should be doing some worrying in their life. Jesus said not to worry. He also said that if you carry worry in your heart it is like having thorns in your field. I have seen a field with thorns in it, they are usually on a vine in the garden. Wow, the thorns won't wait for you to come to them, it seems like they reach out and grab you! That is how it is in our hearts, thorns (the cares and worries of life) seem to reach out and grab us. Thorns hurt! When someone is carrying the weight of the world producing a thorny heart, they have a heart that is hurting.

There are some basic things most people worry about. Money, Marriage, Kids, Health and Jobs and our home and transportation. Most prayer request that are submitted are given for one of these areas. Money, Kids and Health are the three most common worries. Some people are carrying so much guilt in life that they just can't face these worries. They want to live a 'party' life, because if they can keep the party going they won't have to face their problems and grow up like the rest of us. When Jesus says, "don't worry" He isn't implying that we should be like an Ostrich with our heads stuck in the sand. Jesus goes on to say that God clothes the flowers of the field and feeds the birds, He says we are more important than birds and flowers, so God will provide for us too. What is the missing element that causes us to have a thorny heart. The missing element is faith, which only comes through what we believe. Most recovery programs realize that having faith in a higher power is crucial to recovery. Faith is the opposite of fear. Many drink to get drunk because they are afraid to face their lives. When we take fear out of the equation and put faith into the equation we have the strength to overcome.

One thing about thorns is that they hurt. Thorns are not passive, they are active. When you pass by a thorny bush it will reach out and snag you. It is the same way when we are involved with the thorny hearts in people. When you pass by them they reach out and snag you. Misery loves company. Sometimes people will try to avoid people who are always complaining about the cares and worries that they have in life. It is like you just KNOW that if you run into that person the thorny worries and cares of their heart is going to reach out and snag you. Thorns are quick spreading too. If you listen long enough you will feel just as bad as they do, it will seem like your own problems have magnified just in the time that you stopped to listen to them.

We can't help people get the thorns out of their hearts. If you try to help a loved one move past the thorns get ready to bleed! The thorns are bedded down deep into their hearts. Anyone who has ever pulled up a thorn bush by the roots knows that it will tear the field up when you try to uproot it. When people lose their job some will deal with it by falling apart. They may get stoned or act irresponsible. It is pretty easy to see that a thorn has grown up in their hearts, and it hurts. Fussing at them and telling them how awful their behavior has become isn't likely to put any salve on that wound. Sometimes we make it worse on our loved ones by thinking our sharp tongue will motive them. Tongues do cut, and at times it seems like saying a sharp word should cut the thorns out. At times it does. We will see others respond and thry to do better when we cut them with our tongues. The problem is the root is still there. We only cut the thorns off, we didn't go to the root and heal the pain so that the thorns would no longer grow. I have seen repectable people just fall apart when they received bad new about the mental health of their child, it can happen to anyone. Oh, the worries and cares of this life, they hurt like a thorn in our hearts ripping us apart. Sometimes people get bitter and mad at God when they themselves are diagnosed with an illness or disease. Thorns spring up in the heart and instead of producing the good fruit of God, we begin producing the bad fruit of a heart that is hurting beyond all human repair.

The only solution for a thorny heart is to uproot the thorns. I was struck with bad news when my child was born about her mental condition. I did not let bitterness bed my heart so that thorns would grow. I took my pain and suffering to the Lord. Alcohol my numb the pain so that you don't feel the prick of the thorns anymore, but, it is not a solution, it increases the problem. When our hearts hurt we tend to lash out at those around us that are trying to help us. The Bible says in the parable of the sower a thorny heart receives God's word but the cares and troubles of the world (thorns) grow up and choke out the plants so that a harvest is never produced. Most people would like to have a good harvest of Peace, Love, Joy, Kindness...what keeps us from obtaining those things. The pain and hurt that we have inside keeps us from producing that good fruit. It is only when we take our pain to Jesus and ask him to massage our hearts and uproot the thorny bushes that we find true relief.

Overcoming guilt day nine

The Bible talks about a sower that went out to sow his seed. The seed is God's word and the field is the heart of the hearer. Our hearts are like plantations, and the words that we hear are the seeds. The Bible says that there are also different kinds of hearts in mankind. There is the trodden down heart (hard and stubborn), the stony heart (shallow and immature), the thorny heart (heavy weighted by the cares of life), and the good heart ( soft and tender that is able to receive the seed (the word) of God. When we feel like we have failed with our children we sometimes will try to fix it later on in life when they are adults. Sometimes our methods only make matters worse. We will talk more about all four kind of hearts that Jesus identified, but for now we will talk about the stony hearted person.

The second kind of person are those with the stony hearts. Jesus said in the parable of the sower that those with stony hearts are those who receive the word (whereas the hard hearted person rejected it from the very first) but the dirt was rocky and their wasn't any room for the roots to go down, so the seeds didn't grow or produce fruit. The soil represents our hearts. The stony hearted person has a heart that is already full. The heart is so full of their own ideas, and opinions there is no room for God's Word to root down. There is just too many rocks in the soil and there is no longer any room for roots to go down into the soil. If you have done any farming, you know that the soil has to be really rocky before a plant can't find a place to root downward. The parable that Jesus told about the stony ground (the stony hearted person) says that the roots did go downward, but then hit rock, so the roots didn't get very deep or get grounded. That would be fine, except that a plant can't grow with shallow roots. The roots didn't go deep, so the hot sun came out and the plant withered up and did not produce it's fruit. A plant will get water through the roots going down deep into the earth to tap into underground moisture.

Why didn't the roots go down? The roots hit rock. We have our own ideas, so the Word of God can't take root in us. The ideas that we have that are contrary to the word of God are like rocks in our hearts. Some people have the idea that they can drink and do drugs as long as they don't hurt anyone but themselves. That is a rocky heart. Some people have the idea that they can sin and do whatever they please and they will still be OK with God because they were once saved. That is a rocky heart. Some people have the idea that as long as they are basically a good person they will be OK with God. That is a rocky heart. These are just some of the ROCKS in peoples hearts, there are many more. Anything that we believe contrary to God's Word ends up being a rock in our hearts that keeps God's word from being grounded in our hearts.

You may think, 'well what is the big deal, everyone it entitled to their own opinion.' While that is true, it is not our opinions that set us free it is the Word of God that sets us free. What is the fruit of God? Love, patience, kindness, long suffering, goodness, thankfulness...note that envy, jealousy, guilt and anguish is not mentioned as the fruit of God. Most people want the fruit of God. Who wouldn't want a life of love, patience, kindness, long suffering, goodness, thankfulness, yet so many people don't have these things in their lives as much as they would like to have them. This is a free country in America. If this is a free country than who is stopping us from having these things? We can pretty much have what we want can't we, it is a free country. Having opinions and beliefs that are contrary to God's Word is like having a rock in your heart. Not only does a rock keep the Word of God from penetrating our lives and producing this good fruit, but it also is heavy. Having a stony heart will make you heavy hearted.

We all like to be around light hearted people, and truly most people would like to be light hearted. Many people today are heavy hearted. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and it seemed like that person was just a heavy weight? Often when people are a burden to us they will have a comeback for all the things that they do that really weighs on us. For instance you ask, " Why don't you take some responsibility instead of sitting in front of the TV getting drunk all the time" The typical response of a stony hearted person. "I had to work today, why won't you ever give me a few minutes to sit down and relax?" They fail to realize that the person asking the question is up working themselves to make up for their partners need to relax in the evening. What a heavy person to have to carry through life. The heart is stony, they believe they have the right to drink a beer and relax, even if their partner has to do the majority of the chores. That was just one example of the stony hearted person.

Most of the time the stony hearted person is very selfish, this is the main reason why their hearts are so heavy. While being selfish might make us feel good that we got to do what we wanted, in the end selfishness makes us feel rotten in side. When you have a loved one that has a stony heart that is so full of their own ideas and opinions you will have to deal with their selfish attitudes. This person may want to do the right thing. When you talk to them they may actually promise you to do better, or to improve. Don't get your hopes up. The words you speak will take root just like in the parable, and you may actually see them do better for a while. In the parable the word took root, but the roots couldn't go down. It hit that rock. Don't expect that your loved one is truly ever going to change their actions until they change their opinions and attitudes, and that means more than acknowledging that they need to do better.

The only way to get rocks out of the soil is to break up the rock and then pitch it out of the field. Pray that God would break up those beliefs and opinions that are contrary to His Word so that the Word of God can penetrate the heart, with roots going downward and fruit coming upward.

Overcoming guilt day eight

We all have inside of us an inner calling that lets us know when we have become less than the potential we have within us to become in life. Sometimes potential is offset by opportunity lost. Sometimes potential is offset by bad luck or bad life choices. Regardless of our circumstances, guilt in the form of regret, begins to build in us when we don't measure up to our God given potential. There are times when this inner pressure can turn into anger, jealousy, bitterness, when we see someone else that seems to have exceeded all expectations in their own life.

Most of us can think of someone we know who seem to have succeeded all though they really didn't deserve it. In this life, the one that works the hardest doesn't always get the promotion. The one that actually went to class and did their homework on time isn't always the one that gets the best job after graduation. The one that stayed home and didn't get involved with illegal activities is not always the one that is prosperous and has plenty of money to spend. While it is true that many times failure to work hard, or missing class, or becoming involved in illegal activities will ruin and devastate your life there are times that people seem to prosper in spite of breaking the laws of prosperity.

There are also times when people work hard and do things right and they end up with a lucky break in life. Yet, there may be another who works just as hard but gets no where. This can cause hard feelings, regrets, bitterness, jealousy, all which just adds to our feelings of guilt. Why is it that some people prosper and others do not prosper. What can we do when we know that we have so much more God-given potential than what we are currently living up to? To answer that question you have to see where you are in life. The first thing we should ask ourselves is why we can't just go out and get the position in life that we deserve. What is holding us back? Often times the answer to that question is that our current life circumstances re now taking up our time and resources. For some people having the responsibilities of raising children and providing for a family consumes everything and there is no longer any time left for making our lives better. It like our life is locked in, but, that can be a problem when we aren't happy where that life is leading us.

Sometimes it is as if we are locked into a certain position in life and breaking free of that is hard once our life has taken root. We can feel like we are trapped into a certain position in life. We can feel we are trapped into a no where marriage. We can feel like we are stuck in an unwanted job. The list could go on and on. The longer we stay under this kind of stress the larger our unhappiness can grow. No doubt there are people reading this that can relate to what I am saying. How can you 'let go' of the things that have bound you down without destroying the foundations of the life that you already have built. My question is how can you not let go of the things that have you bound? You can find yourself in a position where you want to let go of the things that bind you, but you are concerned that you will destroy the lives of those who currently depend on you on the process. This can leave you feeling torn, and unhappy.

No matter how stressful, you must find your place and your calling in life. If you don't find your personal happiness then eventually you will just have it all fall apart anyway. How many people have you seen that just fell apart in their forties? When we hit midlife whatever we have built in our lives that isn't producing good fruit just falls away. No matter how much sacrifice we have made to stay in situations in which we are unhappy if it is producing the bad fruit of unfulfillment we will likely walk away from it at midlife. People are often puzzeled why someone who seemed so faithful to their job and their family just goes bonkers in their forties and just walks away. Midlife is a time when our lives are put under a magnifying glass. Whatever we have in life gets blown up. If we are unhappy, that will be magnified and our years of neglect to our own happiness will catch up to us. The result is that we just walk away, refusing to see how bad we hurt our own selves in the process. Also, remember this, if your spouse is unhappy, and they have been just going along with everything, it won't last forever. You need to find a way to fulfill that longing they have inside. Eventually the unhappiness they feel will magnify and they will just walk away.

Am I saying that we should just leave our spouse now? Leave our jobs, leave whatever is making us feel trapped so that pressure of unhappiness doesn't build up in our lives. That isn't what I am saying. What I am saying is that sacrificing your happiness to fulfill responsibilities isn't good enough in the long run. If you are unfulfilled keep striving to improve your current life situations until you find a measure of fulfillment and happiness. Don't lie to yourself by thinking that sacrificing your happiness is the right thing to do if it benefits everyone else around you. In the end you will do so much mental and emotional damage to yourself that you will eventually walk away and lose it all anyway. Keep pressing in and striving until you can find away to live in your current situation with your family, without sacrificing your happiness to do so. I know that some people will think that living in their current situation and finding any happiness is not possible at all. With man, yes it is impossible, yet, with God all things are possible.

Overcoming guilt day seven

Over the years in talking with people, I have found that many people have regrets in the area of their children. This often leads to feelings of great guilt and grief. Sometimes we can look back and see areas that we didn't do the best job of parenting, and that adds to our feelings of guilt. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could live a life of no guilt and no regrets? Guilt has to do with torment and God never torments us in this life, the Bible says that Jesus came to give us life. Each of us can have a more abundant life free from the torment of guilt. We cannot go back in time and erase mistakes that we have made. However, we can learn to be at peace with our life choices, even if those choices were bad.

The Bible says, God will not be mocked, whatever a man sows that shall he also reap. This is often used as a negative verse indicating that we will get bad results if we do bad things. This is only a negative verse if our actions have been negative. I like to see this as a positive verse. Sometimes when a person has done good things they are wrongfully given a bad deal by people or by a company or court. This says that God will not be mocked. When we reward someone evil even though they deserve something good we are breaking God's law. No one is going to mock God by giving good things to bad people and despising good people. Whatever we sow, God will see to it that we will reap according to our actions. It is like planting a seed. When you plant a seed you don't see fruit over night. It takes time, and sometimes it takes a little nurturing before you get fruit. Some seeds product the fruit within weeks after the seed is planted, while other seeds may require 2 or 3 seasons of trying to produce fruit before it actually produces useful fruit. Any farmer will tell you that it takes time to produce a harvest.

The Bible talks about a sower that went out to sow his seed. The seed is God's word and the field is the heart of the hearer. Our hearts are like plantations, and the words that we hear are the seeds. The Bible says that there are also different kinds of hearts in mankind. There is the trodden down heart (hard and stubborn), the stony heart (shallow and immature), the thorny heart (heavy weighted by the cares of life), and the good heart ( soft and tender that is able to receive the seed (the word) of God. When we feel like we have failed with our children we sometimes will try to fix it later on in life when they are adults. Sometimes our methods only make matters worse. We will talk more about all four kind of hearts that Jesus identified, but for now we will talk about the hard hearted person.

The first kind of heart is the trodden down heart. Jesus said it would be the kind of ground that you would find on the path, the place where men walk. Since it is hardened by the footsteps the seed just lays on top of the ground and the birds eat the seed, so it doesn't produce a harvest. When we have been done unfairly in life we become hard and stubborn, calloused. If your loved one has been done unjustly because they didn't get the proper attention when they were growing up they may be stubborn and unyielding, somewhat hard hearted, now that they are grown. Disappointments have a way of making us harden our hearts. We harden our hearts to help us deal with the pain. If someone with a hard heart is going to change their ways the heart will have to be softened first. What does a farmer do when the ground is hard? A blunt hit against the ground will not soften the ground but harden it further. It is useless to knock heads with a hard hearted person. This action will only make their heart harden further. A farmer will use a tiller to break up the ground. The only way to heal a hard heart is to break it. No human being has the right to break another's heart. Only God is qualified to break the cold stony heart. He is the only one that can do it without crushing it to pieces. The more that we nag, yell and hound the hard hearted person the harder we make the ground of their heart. It would be the same as stomping on a farmer's field thinking that our footsteps would somehow soften the ground. Stomping on ground does not soften it, but hardens it further. The only way to help a hard hearted person is by asking God to break up that hard heart. Getting your heart broken is not pleasant, but, we all know that in times of crisis people are more likely to turn to God for help. Crisis breaks that hard heart and gives an opportunity for the seed which is God's word to fall into the broken cracks. Once the seed of the Word of God is planted in the heart and it grows to produce fruit the results will be good fruit, the kind we all like to have in our lives.

The hard hearted person has chosen to harden their hearts because they have suffered so many disappointments from people they wanted to be able to trust and respect. A hard hearted person will seldom feel any kind of personal guilt. They are focused on the terrible things that others have done to them and have put a hard coating over their heart for fear of becoming a victim. Most hard hearted people will seldom cry and will get angry if things of the past are brought up. They have chosen to block out their own pain and emotions and therefore do not have the ability to feel the pain and emotions of others. These people will often see emotions and sentimentalism as weaknesses and sometimes despises those who are overly emotional on a personal level. Compassion, mercy, love, long-suffering, these are the qualities of one with a good heart that is ready to receive God's seed. The hard hearted person would display qualities that would be just the opposite in nature. The hard hearted person would see someone with the above qualities as weak and pathetic. The very root of the good hearted person is Love, because God is love. The very root of the hard hearted person is rebellion. Rebellion is like a spiritual force field that blocks out the seed (God's word) and keeps it from penetrating the heart so that it never produces a fruit of goodness in the hearer. Most of us can think of at least one person that we know that has put up a force field of rebellion around their heart blocking out all that is good.

What is it like to have rebellion as the driving force of your life? Rebellion will cause a person to refuse to listen to sound reasoning. Rebellion will demand that you do whatever it takes to get your own way, even if it defies all sound logic. Rebellion will cause a person to buck up and hurt the people that they love. Rebellion will demand that you live completely selfishly if that is what is takes to get what you want. Rebellion will make you think that you are in control, that you are completely in charge of everything around you. It may seem that way for a while because Rebellion will require you to get violent with those who do not see things your way and people will likely cave into what you want. What is the fruit of Rebellion then? Defying logic, hurting those we love, total selfishness and violence to those who get in the way of those dreams. Sounds like a person that will soon lose every Friend that they cannot intimidate into staying. Would anyone want to live with a person who acts like that? Would you like to be a person like that? What are the rewards? At the cost of hurting everyone around us, we get our own way. Doesn't sound like much of a pay off to me.

Ask God to break the hard heart, only He can do it safely. Some of the most rebellious and selfish people out there are suicidal as well. Rebellion does not make you happy. Wouldn't it seem logical that we would be happy if we could always get our way? No, it does not make us happy. That kind of logic leads to death. Once we get everything that we wanted and we are still empty and unhappy we begin to try to find Nirvana. Peace is not out there in front of you, something that you can control or force into your life. Peace is behind you. Those that you have pushed out of your life, those who love and care for you. When you make peace with them, on THEIR terms you will have shed your cloak of rebellion that is driving your life.

When I gave my heart to Jesus, God pulled several layers of rebellion off of my life. The first thing I wanted to do is hug my mom and tell her that I was sorry. It was like God opened me up to love once again. The Bible says that the devil will blind us to the fact that we are lost. I didn't realize how sorry I was until God removed the veil. I realized the people that loved me the most were the very people I was pushing against. If you have a child that is hard hearted try not to lock horns with them. Don't push them away further. Your feelings of guilt and remorse can provide you energy if you need it. It is easy to understand this concept. When we fret we use energy. Just fret for a little while and see how tired it makes you. We know that we have to have some fuel to burn if energy is released like we do when we fret. Guilt and remorse is fueling the fretting that you are doing. Try taking that same guilt and remorse and fueling your prayer lamp instead. If you are going to burn energy, why not put it to good use.

Overcoming guilt day six

There are some destructive by-products when we carry guilt. Depression, anger, low-self esteem, and increased stress just to name a few. Most of us measure our self esteem by what we imagine that other people are thinking of us. Many times I have been around someone who thought they were just all that. In their mind, they thought others admired them or was jealous of them. The truth was no one really liked them because of their arrogant attitudes. Often we formulate our self image by what we imagine that others think about us. Most of us know someone like the person I mentioned above. When we have low self-esteem it works in a similar way. In our mind we imagine that we do not measure up and we are confident that others see us as not measuring up as well. Guilt is like adding a heavy weight to that assumption. If we take our low self esteem and add a heap of guilt on top of it we live in a constant inner reminder that hinders our every step. We have a hard time overcoming these things because we live in constant fear that our past failures will eventually out weigh our present success.

Isolation can become a problem as well as we often begin avoiding everyone that could remind of us our past failures. We can grow so inward turned that our guilt has us bound up and crippled, lost and afraid. We feel like we are failing as a father, so we hate to come home to the wife and kids. It isn't that we don't love them, we do, it is just that seeing them reminds us of our areas of failure and guilt. We don't feel like we are making the grade at school so we want to skip class and stay home. We feel like mom and dad aren't exactly excited about who we are and what we have become, so we try to avoid calling home. We feel like we let God and the church down, so, we don't bother getting dressed to go anymore. When we face a situation in which we feel we have failed, we accumulate guilt. The guilt that we feel will drive us away from others, and often those are the very places that we find the people who really do love us. Sometimes we feel like the people that love us are just all about yang, yang, yang, lecture... yada, yada, lecture ...uncomfortable yes, but, something that we should not avoid. Why not listen to the people that love us. Wouldn't we like to do better in life? Most of the time the people who really love us, like our families, are the ones that can see exactly where we are messing up the most. What we are told by them often isn't what we want to do, but, life isn't about doing what you want to do, it is about doing what is required of you. When we do what is required of us our life will breed success. In the long run the good fruit that comes with success will make you feel good about yourself.

As an example look at the movie 'It's a wonderful life' He thought that he would lasso the moon. But, when faced with choices he always picked what was required, he made the responsible decision instead of doing what he really 'wanted' to do. He thought that he was losing out, but in the end, he saw the fruit of his decisions actually made him the richest man in town. Look at the state of America today many have not done what was required. Too many people have used their finances unwisely. Instead of doing what was required and living within their means they have instead did what they wanted to do with their money and have gotten in bad debt. In the end those who did not indulge in fantasy living- but rather acted responsible with their money are now in much better circumstances than those who did not and they can be thankful that they made the wiser choice.


If we are carrying guilt and low self esteem because of past failures we can expect that we will be required to change. If we don't like ourselves, we don't like our past, we want to do better in the future, it should be obvious that we have to change. The only way we could justify not changing would be blaming our past failures on someone else. Now, here is a can of worms just opened. If someone treated you unfairly and you endured it, that will make you stronger, not weaker. Yes, it will make you feisty, perhaps controlling, but it will NOT make you weak. The thing that makes us weak is when we continually mess up and people around us keep making excuses and blaming others for what we did. The school bully often has parents that think their kid does nothing wrong. Most people that were bullies in school grow up to be prison inmates, while the ones that got picked on often grow up to be productive citizens. Conflict always makes us stronger not weaker. If you are a parent and you are always making excuses for your child's performance and behavior you are making your child weak. They are likely to grow up to be a weak adult that is constantly needing mom and dad to clean up their messes. If a bully picks on my kid and they back down they eventually learn how to use their wits to get around the bully. No, they might never knock the bully down, but they learn to cope and do well in spite of a bully. What does the bully learn. He learns that no matter what he does he can get away with it. In the long run who is better off, the bully or my kid. My kid is better off because he learned to succeed in the face of trials. I just used the bully as an example, but their are many more.

Drugs is another good example. If a person learns at a young age that they can escape their emotional trauma with a snort or two they have never learned to face their emotions and cope with them successfully. Then if they ever start selling drugs they learn to acquire large amounts of money without having to work. They are going to grow into one of the weakest people on the planet. They may look and act kool, and may be really wealthy and have material status, but in the end, it is just rotten fruit. They will see just how weak they are when they try to change their ways and make an honest living with their hands or their mind. When we indulge in that kind of weak living and then proclaim, "the policeman was just picking on me" or "I couldn't find a good job that I didn't want to quit within a week," (How many of us found a job that we preferred to quit the first week but didn't because we understood our responsibilities) these are just more weak excuses. Even lawyers play in on the con act. Lawyers will ask a judge to be less severe on a convict because they came from a bad environment. Well, there are plenty who come from a rotten environment that do quite well in life. There are no excuses,we are self deceived if we continue to put the blame onto others. We need to change. One of the worst excuses of all, "my wife drives me nuts, that is why I have to do this." If you want to blame others your life will never get any better. If you want to start taking responsibility and embrace change then you can do better, you can be more than you ever thought that you could be in this life.

A big step is looking in the mirror and realizing, hey, I need to change. Once you make that decision the hard part is over. Change is going to be hard. I have seen many people decide that they want to change. But, as they begin trying to change it is just really hard. When it gets hard they fall back into their old line of excuses. Make up you mind that you are going to embrace change even if it is the hardest thing you will ever do. In the end it will be hard, but, just like in the show 'It's a Wonderful Life' you will start seeing good fruit. Rotten fruit is no good, we just throw a rotten apple away, whose going to eat that? That is why so many are in prison today. It was their rotten fruit.

Overcoming guilt day five

Sometimes we think we have a hard time overcoming guilt in life because other people won't let us move on. Jesus plainly said, "Judge not lest ye be Judge." That sentence is self explanatory. Jesus goes on to say, "With the same measure that you judge others, so will you be judged." That is pretty plain spoken too. Jesus is saying that you will be judged only as harsh as you judge others. Are you wanting God to go easy on you? If so, than you are required to go easy on others in this life time. Often people want to judge others harshly because they think it elevates themselves. There are those who say, "We aren't judging them as a person, only their actions." Only God knows what or who we are judging. My observations have been that those who 'preach against a certain sin' as a theme of their lives are often guilty of committing that sin on a personal level themselves.



While you should expect others to forgive you of your past, you should not expect them to trust you until you have earned their trust. Now, I know that last statement really hurts, and sometimes we don't want to hear it but it is the truth. Forgiveness is a gift, it is not earned. God grants us forgiveness freely, and he also ask us to forgive others freely, forgiveness is a gift. Trust on the other hand is earned. Someone may say, "if they truly forgave me than they would trust me again." No, that is not true. Forgiveness means I will overlook what you did in the past without holding you to punishment for that sin. Trust, however, impacts the future, not the past. I can forgive you of what you did in the past but at the same time hold out on trusting you, until you have proven yourself in the future. Trust has to be earned, trust is not a free gift. Forgiveness is a free gift, but trust is not free, it has to be earned.



It is wise to forgive someone, but, it is also wise to wait until they have earned trust before you trust them again. Earning trust takes alot of time, it can't be rushed. Time will heal all things, but only if we put time to good use. If we don't use our time to do right living than we injure our selves further. Here is an example: A man tells his kids he will take them to the park, but, he does not show up. The kids forgive him yes, but trust is broken. The kids faith in their dad can be restored if he makes more promises and KEEPS them. In time, they will forget about that disappointment with the park. However if he ask his kids to keep faith in him, but keeps making promises and only fulfills a few of them, they will not trust their dad and eventually they will also struggle with passing out the free gift of forgiveness as well. I don't see in the Bible where God commands us to trust one another. We are commanded to love one another, but to trust God.



Sometimes we get a chip on our shoulder because when others show us that they don't really trust us, we think that they haven't really forgiven us. Trust is not guaranteed, nor is it free. There are some crimes that are commited, that some people may never trust you again. That doesn't always mean that they have not forgiven you. For instance in matters of sexual sins trust is often hard to get back a second time. If someone has an affair, or engages in sex acts with a kid, or steals another's money, or kills someone, takes drugs, the more serious of crimes and sins, many people may choose not to fully trust the offender again. Forgiveness is free, but trust is earned. It is not wise to hand over trust to someone that has proven to misuse trust. First they must do rightly and prove themselves over time. Some may think that forgiveness means nothing without trust, but that is only because they do not understand punishment and forgiveness. God requires that we be punished for EVERY sin. If we do not receive forgiveness for our sins, then we are subject to the punishment. Just having the free gift of forgiveness is really more than we deserve when we sin. Expecting people to just hand trust back to us along with that forgiveness is just asking someone to lay themselves open to harm.


Look at it in this light. When we commit a crime, for instance murder, we are put on trial. With God as the judge the trial is short, because he knows all things and has all the evidence he needs to find you guilty. If found guilty the punishment is for life, no parole. Then Jesus steps in and says, "I paid the price when I died on the cross. I lived a perfect sinless life, yet, I was punished. Therefore, in return, I can forgive this guilty man and wash his guilt away." What does that mean? It means that the accused would not get life without parole, but would go free. He has been forgiven of his crime and pardoned. He has not been found innocent, after all he did the crime, however, he was forgiven all the charges. However, once that person is free, He is told, "Go, and sin no more." That indicates that while the guilty is no longer condemned, they now have a responsibility to prove themselves trustworthy by living a clean life. Trust isn't handed over like forgiveness is handed over. Trust is something that a person earns as they go about their lives obeying Jesus as they 'sin no more.' If you have made some messes in life, don't expect everyone that forgives you to just role over and hand trust to you as if you had never messed up. In time, if you live the right kind of life, those that do not trust you will come to believe in you again.

Don't expect someone to trust you if you have not earned that trust. If we live the kind of life that we should live, most people will come to trust in us again in time.



When Jesus was resurrected he told doubting Thomas see the scars in my hands and feet. Jesus had been resurrected but his scars remained. Sometimes our past can be like a wound that never heals. It is the wounds in life that cleanses the soul. The pain that we feel from our past mistakes helps to remind us NOT to make that same mistake again. Why would we want to rush ourselves to move past that? When we touch a hot stove we get burned. That pain and scar is a reminder to never touch a hot stove. In time wounds heal and the longer we move past our mistakes, doing the right kind of living, the more people their will be willing to trust us. I have often seen people guilty of gross sin critical of people and complain. They complain because all though they are forgiven, they find that many do not display complete trust in them. How many times have you heard someone say, "If they really forgave me they would have forgotten it and trusted me again." That is incorrect thinking. Forgiveness is a free gift, but trust is earned. Have you really earned the trust that you want from others, or are you wanting everyone else to do all the giving while you make idle promises that you haven't backed up with righteous living. Promising that you will do better in the future speaks volumes. But, actually living the life and keeping your promise is the thing that will actually bring the healing you seek.

Overcoming guilt day four

Guilt will try to put a wedge between you and someone that you really love. I know a couple, Jeff and Jill that went through the trauma of divorce. They were married in 1987 and really thought that their love would last. They built a home together and had two beautiful children. There were some conflict of interest between John and Jill but they both managed to get through it. After 15 years of marriage, John met someone else and began having an affair. Once Jill found out she divorced John. The children blame Jill, they feel that she ran John off. All they saw was mommy screaming at dad and him storming off. Jill knows that she did what she had to do, but she feels bad that the kids miss their dad, and now he never calls or visits. Every time the kids are depressed or crying she feels guilty, like she needs to make it up to them. John on the other hand tried to call home or visit at first, but each visit got worse and worse. The kids cried nonstop, begging him to come back home, and Jill lectures were more than he could take. Eventually he just buried it inside him and was no longer visiting at all.

Jill was working extra hard trying to appease the feelings of guilt by keeping it at the forefront of her mind and doing things for the kids (sometimes spoiling them) to try to make it up to them. John on the other hand buried his guilt, he couldn't handle the crying. The trips to see the kids were just to painful, so, he buried it, he tried to forget it and moved on. John still loves them and cries when he talks about them, but he never goes to see them, he just can't process all the feelings of guilt and seeing them overwhelms him too much. Does this story sound like a couple that you know? It is likely you know a couple that went through a divorce that fits this example perfectly as it happens all to often. How do you handle a tough situations like this? It is never easy dealing with these kinds of things - but the Bible says that love never fails. In this situation guilt has become the motivating and the controlling factor in the relationship. Sometimes the kids will begin playing mom against dad, knowing that each is filled with guilt as an attempt to control the whole thing. The best rule in this situation and in ALL situations is to NEVER let guilt be your motivation for the things that you do.

Of course Jill needed to do special things with the kids, to help them move past their feelings of loss and grief. But, it is not so much what we do in life that colors our life, but, it is the motivation, or the REASONS we do what we do, that colors our life and everyone around us. We shouldn't let feelings of guilt motivate us, but, instead we should let our action be motivated by genuine love. Jill should try telling herself that she is not going to give the kids special attention because she feels sorry for them. She should try only doing things because she loves her kids and wants to be with them. She needs to push past the bad feelings and decide that she is only going to let her love for her kids motivate her actions. Kids can tell when you are doing things mainly because you are trying to make up for something else, and they can also tell when your motivation was love. Often kids will use your guilt against you to twist your arm to get their way. Jill should ask God to help her move past her sadness and guilt and to help her walk in love with her kids, not guilt. If you remain in love you will be able to do what is best for your kids. Jill hated to see her kids cry, and somehow guilt moved in and made her feel like she had to make it up to them. That feeling of guilt put her in the position that she was having a hard time telling the kids no, or making them go to bed at appropriate times. She began trying to shelter the kids from having anymore negativity or hardships. The sad truth is that this is not going to be the last time her kids face a hard ship in life. Wouldn't life be alot easier if we could protect everyone we love from hardships? We can't stop hardships from happening, but we can be proactive in helping those around us through them. Even as kids, we have to learn how to process our feelings and our disappointments. Walking with them through the hardship, facing it, coping and sharing with them is the way to heal and move on. You can't throw enough skating parties, or take them to enough movies or buy them enough toys to make it up to them. You can't put enough busy things in your lives to hide the pain. Professional counseling is recommended when you can't seem to face the situation and move past anger and guilt. Jill shouldn't even express to the kids that she could ever make it up to them, if she does so, then the kids will expect her to do it, and in all reality, it is impossible to make it up to them. What she can do is love them and cherish them like only a parent can with a child.

John in running from his guilt. His idea is don't think about it, don't hold up to your responsibilities and it will go away. But, it does not go away. When we push pain out like that so we don't have to feel it, guess who cares a double load of pain. That's right, the kids are now carrying their share and yours as well. The pain they feel is double because not only has dad left mom, but, now he has forgotten me as well. Just that quick, he forgot about me, is what the kids say all to often. When we run from the pain of guilt we have forsaken our love for the kids. I know, most men in this situation says, "I love them I do, I just can handle seeing them cause it hurts too bad." So, in doing that you are letting pain and guilt rule your actions. We have to stop letting pain and guilt control us and start letting the love we have rule us. Of course it hurts to go see them, often, love does hurt, but it is worth the pain. The Bible says that Love never fails. John needs to realize that he is no longer a child, but a man. No matter how painful your situation is, you have to face your life. The pain may get pushed away when you just ignore the situation, but it does not go away. Everyone needs to bare their own burdens and carry their own pain. Time heals all wounds, but only if the wound has been cleansed FIRST. If the wound has not been tended to, time will only infect the wound and destroy everyone it touches. John may be leaving his wife, but no matter how painful it is he must walk in love and tend to the wounds of his kids. If he does so in time the wounds will heal and life can move on. If John does not tend to the wounds of his kids and just walks away and never comes back, as each day passes the wounds will eventually swallow them up.

Guilt tries to take the lead in tough situations. Guilt never produces good fruit. To over come guilt we must be determined to walk in love, not just in our actions, but even in our motives. Love conquers all things.

Overcoming guilt day three

People handle guilt in different ways. Some people try to cover it up by working themselves to death. Some people try to ignore guilt by drinking themselves into a stooper. Some people try to mask their guilt by doing charity work or good deeds. Whenever we carry alot of guilt we often have an overwhelming feeling that we need to make up for our failures in some way. Are there some better ways to process guilt? We will discuss that later on.

There are some people who make a habit of failing in their responsibilities that they have. Often they justify their actions by saying to themselves, 'I'll make up for it later.' This is a complete deception of self though. Whenever we treat people around us as 'unimportant' by not fulfilling our responsibilities we can try to make it up, but in the end you will continually be remembered as the person that makes a commitment but does not follow through. When we do this we gloss over the feelings of guilt that we have by convincing our self that it is OK to break a commitment as long as you make it up later. Since we gloss over our guilt, we hurt people around us over and over with our selfish behavior and in the end isolate our self. Should we bend over backwards to try to keep a commitment we made, even if it cost us significantly? Yes, we should. Of course there are times that we have to break a commitment, that is a part of life. However, when breaking commitments is a pattern in your life it is usually because you are promising too much to too many people. If you are a busy person, don't over extend your commitments. If you are a selfish person don't try to act like you aren't selfish by making promises to others that you later break.

Alot of guilt that we get stuck with is the result of over commitment. We want to please our spouse, our kids, our boss, our friends, and we hope to have some time left to eventually do what we want to do too. One of the hardest things to admit to yourself is that you simply cannot be all things to all people. Making a list of priorities, or getting someone to help you make a list of priorities is essential. This topic goes both ways. There are some that are so self centered that all they want to do is the things they enjoy. They absolutely despise doing things for their kids or spouse, or others. Then there are others that ignore their own happiness, even to the point of destroying their health just to be there for other people. Neither of these extremes are good for us. If we can bring balance to this area of our lives we can be on the road to overcoming both our stress and our guilt. Our upbringing plays a big part in how we deal with guilt in our lives.

As long as you are measuring your life by what someone else expects of you, guilt will always be your master. Parents can sometimes be demanding on their kids. The feeling that you did not live up to your parents expectation can haunt you your entire life. That lays a bed of guilt in your soul that colors everything you do. Often we pass on these high expectations to our own kids, simply because we are trying to live up to our own parents expectations of us through our kids. Then your kids pass the same thing on to their kids. Does it ever stop? Yes, the cycle is broken when we begin to realize that we can set our own expectations for our lives. When we have the confidence to feel good about what we have accomplished, we don't need the approval of other people any more. If you lay out a set of principles and goals for yourself and accomplish those goals and find happiness in that, most parents in the end will be very proud of what you have done with your life.

Where do you start in setting goals to better yourself. The best thing to do is look at your life and think about the things in you life that bug you the most? Your exercise habits? Your job pay scale? Your bad habits? Your relationships? What is it that bugs you the most about you. Pick just one thing and the decide you are going to do something about it. Alot of times we know what needs to be done, we just have never got up and done anything about it. If you seriously don't know what you need to get yourself moving the right direction, take some time to ask your spouse of your friends. It won't take too much time to hear from them the areas in which you need some work. You may not like what they say, but really take time to think about it. When you begin to do some of the things that you have failed to do, you will find that you are feeling much better about yourself and the feeling of guilt and self doubt that you have are getting less.

Over coming guilt day two

Guilt has devastated the lives of so many people. It will wrap it's way around your heart like a poisenous vine. We do not have to yield to guilt. Some may think that guilt is the only thing that keeps people from doing things that are bad. That is incorrect thinking. Often people will use guilt against you like a weapon. Manipulative people will use guilt as way to get into your heart, to control you, to get you to comply with what they want. How do they do that? They will ask you to do something and if you refuse they will play the 'oh you disappointed me severely card' How many times have we went against our better judgement and did what someone else was asking us to do only to regret it later because they laid a guilt trip on us?

We have to begin seeing that guilt is not a friend, but an enemy of our soul. When we use guilt to try to manipulate the behavior of others we are destroying that person. Often a parent will use guilt to try to keep their kids in line. Using guilt in that fashion will slowly destroy the child and prep them for a life of self defeat. When one of your kids doesn't want to do what you ask them to do and you use guilt to get your way you are opening the way for others to do the same thing to them. Once they have been trained to receive guilt and act upon it they will bend to the desires of anyone that they really wish to please. If mom and dad trains a child to respond to guilt by heaping guilt trips on them, the child is more likely to go along with other's that want to do things that will get them into trouble. They feel guilt if they don't please them and respond to their inner feelings of guilt by going against their better judgement.

Guilt is not a productive attribute, it is destructive. Since it is destructive in nature why do people use it on others? Maybe they do so because they see it as a good way to control other people. Often husband and wife will use guilt as a weapon against one another. Some relationships are all about I lay a guilt trip on you, then you return the favor and lay one on me. There is a better way. The better way is one partner giving and the other partner giving too. I know that there is at least one person reading this who has constantly used guilt on your spouse. You may feel as if laying guilt trips on your partner is the only way to get them to respond because they are unreasonable and stubborn. There is a better way.

Look at the relationship that Esther in the Bible had with her spouse, the King. The reason she was his current spouse was that he had his previous wife killed when she failed to comply to a very unreasonable command. The King would have definitely been one of the most self centered unreasonable people to have for a spouse. Yet, Esther got what she wanted. She fasted. She dressed to the hilt. She went before the King and then she said I want to give you something, come to a dinner I prepared for you. She got everything she wanted. No matter how stubborn someone may be, giving is the true way to some one's heart, not laying on a guilt trip. Often people want to use a guilt trip to control others instead of putting the kind of effort into it that Esther showed because it is easier just to lay on a guilt trip. It can be easier to just lay on a guilt trip to get your way, but in the long run it doesn't produce good fruit. Life isn't just about actions, it is about the heart. It really isn't much of a victory if people do what we want but they despise it the whole time.

If you recognize that you are using guilt to try to get your loved ones to do what they should do maybe there is a better way. You are likely not to find anything easier than using a guilt trip, but, with effort you can find something that is more pleasant for everyone. It is your family aren't they worth the effort. Look at all the time and effort that Esther put into changing the heart and the mind of the King. What Esther did was hard work, if you don't think so, just try what she did sometime. It may have been hard work, but she actually CHANGED the Kings heart, she didn't just get him to grudgingly comply. In the end the King loved Esther all the more for her actions. In the end wouldn't we all want that from our loved ones as well.

Overcoming guilt day one

Guilt is a heavy task master. Guilt can be brought on by the sins that we commit. When we pray we know that we have received forgiveness. Often guilt still has us bound up by things in our past. Guilt can rule over your past reminding you of all the things you did wrong yesterday. Guilt can rule over your present reminding you of all the things you didn't do right today. Guilt can rule over your future predicting with all certainty that you will definitely get it wrong tomorrow. Guilt can completely rule over your entire life adding it's negative color to everything that you do.

Guilt is a task master that we yield to because we believe that we have gotten things wrong. We expect guilt to punish us with it's ugly reminders. Guilt takes up just as much space as you allow it to take in your life. Guilt will often try to make us feel guilty when we in fact did nothing wrong and did not commit a sin. For instance, you tell someone that you will meet them at a set time. Later, your boss tells you that you must do an errand for him at that time. You know your job will be in jeopardy if you don't comply. You call your friend to let them know that you can't make it because your boss requires your help, but, they seem very disappointed. After you get off the phone here is where guilt tries to make it's way into your life. Guilt will try to plague you, not because you sinned, but simply because you let your friend down. It is true that those people who try to be people pleasers are usually the ones that carry the most guilt. In situations such as the one above we often tell people, "Hey I will make it up to you somehow, I promise." Why do we feel the need to make it up? Guilt. We don't want to disappoint someone else and often we will feel guilt every time we think about that person until we do enough for them and thereby made up for our failure.

Guilt rules your mind and your emotions. When we commit a sin, or after we do something we think is guilt worthy (such as disappoint someone else) our mind begins to remind us of how bad we have been in this life. Some people will actually have thoughts that are destructive. When we have thoughts such as, "I am such a jerk." "I hate myself." "I am such a terrible person, I'll never amount to anything." we are ensuring our own unhappiness and self defeat.
Why would we say things to ourselves about ourselves that we would never allow someone else to say about us. Those things we say about ourselves, such as, "I'm so sick of myself, I hate my life." are self defeating. We would never let someone else say those things about us. If someone else looked at you and said, "I am so sick of you." "I hate you, you never do anything right." We would be so mad at them. We would just be outrageously insulted if someone else made those comments about us. Yet, we say those things about ourselves when guilt prompts us to do so. We have effectively become our own worse enemy.

The first step to overcoming guilt is to stop self defeating thoughts. I know that there are people that have actually done things that are wrong and guilt is now their companion in life. However, no matter what we have done, no matter how good or bad we have been, guilt no longer has any power if you have received the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Once you have been forgiven by God, guilt no longer has any power over your life. Once forgiveness has been applied to your life, the only power guilt has over you is the power that you freely give to it. The power of guilt is all in your mind.

We have been taught that if don't live up to some one's expectations that we should 'feel bad' about ourselves. This idea is completely wrong. When Jesus came to the earth, the Jews had a completely different idea of what the Messiah should be like. Jesus absolutely did not live up to the expectations that the Jews had for their messiah and they got really mad about it. We know that Jesus was sinless and perfect, yet, he failed to live up to the expectations of the Jewish leaders again and again. So, no, we should not feel bad when we let someone down, or don't live up to their expectations, if that makes you a bad person, then that mean that Jesus was a bad person, and we know that he was the Son of God. We have been taught that if we sin we should pay for it the rest of our lives. After all what goes around comes around and karma always sticks. Yet, we know that this is also wrong. Jesus came that we might find forgiveness for our sins and he took our PUNISHMENT for our sins upon himself on the cross. If he took our punishment, that means guilt has no right to punish us any further.

If you have placed your life in the hands of God and found his forgiveness then why not release your guilt. Your punishment has already been served. Your punishment is complete in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Notice how many times you self defeat by having horrible negative thoughts about yourself. Make a habit today that every time you have a self defeating thought that you replace it with two positive thoughts about yourself.

Overcoming Guilt Overview

Guilt may be a five letter word, but it often has the impact of a four letter word when it is present in our lives. Guilt can enter into our lives in many ways. Often we commit a minor offence when we are young such as disappointing someone that we love and guilt gets planted into our heart as a tiny seed. With each new failure we water the seed and guilt becomes intertwined around our hearts like a poisonous vine. It can inhibit our ability to produce a productive and healthy life. To make matters worse, guilt will often lead us into more self destructive things such as drug abuse, lying to others, or serious crime.

Guilt will often make you feel as is everything that was ever wrong in your life was the result of your failures. It may make you feel as if the people that your life touches would be better off without your influences. Guilt ridden people may see themselves as a burden to others. Notice in my blog how many times I have used the word 'feel'. That's because guilt dramatically effects what we think about ourselves and that impacts how we feel. Guilt can sometimes manifest in your life when you actually have done nothing 'wrong'. Guilt can be the result of just not living up to someone else's expectations. Regardless of the source, guilt can be a devastating factor in the lives of those who carry it.

Guilt is a negative factor in the lives of people, but conviction is the true master of change and repentance. What is the difference between guilt and conviction? Guilt makes you look at yourself. Guilt says to your inner conscience, "Look at what you did." Conviction, on the other hand, will say to you, "Forget what you did, look at what God is offering to you." Guilt will say, "Your past will always be out in front of you." Conviction says, " Forget the past, will you come to Jesus now?" Guilt says to us, " You are no good, you are worth nothing. " Conviction states, "God loves and values you, forget about yourself and surrender to God." The basic difference between guilt and conviction is that guilt focuses attention on yourself and the awful deeds that you did. Conviction will focus your attention on God and your need of Him in your life. Guilt will make you feel like you are a bad person. Conviction will take your attention away from you, and focus your attention on the free gift of mercy and forgiveness from God.

Guilt will make you think you have to be punished for the things you have done. Guilt tries to promote itself as the punisher in your life. Many times, we feel so bad about what we have done that we agree with the idea that we need to be punished. We seldom consciously say to ourselves, "I should be punished for what I have done." But, subconsciously we tear ourselves apart with degrading thoughts about ourselves. Subconsciously we are punishing ourselves. We allow guilt to torment us with self defeating thoughts. We allow guilt to throw our past out in front of us, and every time we try to 'move on' we have to first navigate past our guilt. Sometimes we just stay in the same spot in life unable to move forward because each time we try to move forward we trip over our guilt and fall in a heap. That increases the power of guilt in our lives.

What is the first step to getting over guilt? The first step is realizing that you do not deserve to be punished by guilt. Self punishment only leads to depression, it does not lead to renewal. We do not need punished, we need renewed. Let go of the idea that somehow you will always be unhappy because of your past failures. Stop punishing yourself. We punish ourselves with negative thoughts, with abusive or compulsive behavior and abusive addictions. No matter how much you try to use abusive or compulsive behavior to get away from the negative thoughts that you have about yourself they always remain. No matter how much you try to run yourself to death through work or play you can't out run the problems. We have to face guilt and we have to call its bluff. Guilt says that your life will never be restored and that you will always be haunted by your past. God says something else.

Guilt resides in your thoughts and impacts your emotions and ultimately you self defeat everything you do. The key to overcoming guilt is in your thoughts. Keep watch on your thoughts. Your thoughts are the seeds that you plant into your life that eventually spring up into actions. If you have been plagued by guilt, guard your thoughts. Disagree with every thought that belittles who you are. Renewal of your soul will come as you battle against the thoughts that guilt implants into your mind. If guilt has set up residency in your life, battle those self defeating thoughts and let God's forgiveness renew your soul and your mind.